Hell's Kitchen (bathroom, bedrooms and more)

You're not going to believe this.

Last night I came home to my family splayed around the living room wearing as little clothes as possible without being considered naked (and possibly incestuous). I sensed from the moment I opened the back door that something was wrong here, aside from the nearly naked relatives, the stale hot air had smacked me in the face the second I opened the door.

My mother pipped up confirming that which I already had surmised and subsequently sucked all of the fun out of my heart. The air conditioner, which was recently completely remodeled and ready to go for another 20 years, was on the fritz and our house was now 82 degrees. INSIDE. Oh, and you have to sleep in it tonight. Have fun!

I'm not going to tell you how unbearably similar my night was to sleeping on brimstone and ashes scrapped from the fiery depths of hell. Or how my son woke up at 3 am because he was covered in sweat and while I was desperately trying to convince him it would cool down he became aware of a throbbing sensation in his ear and was DYING. Or how I had to try and convince him that his ear was not going to fall off if he went back to sleep and DEAR GOD PLEASE GO BACK TO BED.

I'm not going to share with you how much I absolutely hated last night because I am trying to stay positive about this whole 'my house being an all-you-can-sweat neighborhood sauna'.

I called into work this morning to stay home and investigate the detachable ear. Brae and I had spent all day Sunday on a lake and there was a chance a small minnow had swum inside and was now pinging off of his eardrum causing him to believe his ear was falling . off . his . head.

By the time we returned from our doctor's appointment there was a van in our driveway and men wearing matching blue caps and angel wings.

So, they spent a good hour adjusting and tweaking our unit while Brae and I sat inside smearing ice cubes on our face. I was just starting to feel like it may be cooling off inside and envisioning a small fan at the end of our heat tunnel when everything turned black.

The power was out, which to me seemed like a really bad thing. Color me ignorant but I had a pretty good idea of what was going on when the smell of burnt circuits came wafting through the living room. Enter the a/c unit repair man:

'Hey did your power just go out?'

me pointedly glances at light, 'uh huh'.

'Well we just fired up the unit for 15 minutes and it blew your circuit breaker. The wires around the main breaker and the cables connected to your dryer are fried and there is a burn around your breaker box outside. Do you smell that?'

you mean the charred remains of my dreams?, 'uh huh'.

'Thats not generally a good smell. You're going to have to get a master electrician out here asap to inspect the wiring in this house. Until then, there is nothing we can do about fixing the a/c.'

So I cried. I mean, I waited for my false saviors to leave the house before a tear or two slipped out.

To say I am disappointed would be an understatement. And now here I sit in our residential fire hazard with a toddler in Scooby Doo underoo's and an accompanying ear infection, plotting out the best way to sneak into the grocer's main freezer without being caught because it's THAT or hijacking a plane to Alaska

and I don't like moose.