Whose ready for some......

Trying to steer my son's interests has been an active hobby of mine for, oh...........about every day of the life he has lived thus far.

It could be because it IS just the two of us, that I want him to share my affinity for reality-esque dancing shows, almonds and confessional poetry.

But, more likely it is my over-bearing control freakish behavior that has finally discovered an outlet and is totally going with it.

I had plans.

Brae would LOVE to read, and read early, just like his mum.
He would accompany me to the theatre and participate in hip-hop dance classes so I could showcase his talents on a live stage.
Brae would start playing a team sport, preferably soccer and become athletic at an early age.
He would suffer through four years of piano lessons, just like I did, to have the ability to play 'Heart and Soul' while inebriated.
Brae would adore monster trucks, Nascar, mud-pits and mullets.

oh wait.....

That wasn't something I had planed. That little development came all on it's own and I couldn't be more pleased. I mean, what mother doesn't want her son idolizing men whose sole professional goal is to rip as much shit out of their truck as possible. Men who drive vehicles with the names 'Grave Digger', 'El Toro Loco' and 'Maximum Destruction'. Men who have the ability to speak without using vowels.

It began with a tivo'ed 'Monster Jam World Finals' and slowly progressed into purchasing mini- plastic Hot Wheel's replicas of the 10 foot trucks.

It was all he wanted for his birthday. Not just trucks, but- MONSTER trucks. Trucks that could plow over the Nemo car I had just bought for him at Disney a few months ago. He careened around the house yelling- 'Whose ready for some FREESTLYIN'? and incorporated new terms into his vocabulary; such as, 'Slap- wheelie' and 'BIG air'.

I happened to mention something about a Ford truck to him one night to which he replied, 'Monster Jam- sponsored by Ford F series, the number one selling truck for over 31 consecutive years aaaaaand AUTOZONE: keep the wheel turning.'

'Oh Christ', I thought. 'Maybe he's getting a little too involved here'

But my bed had been made, or rather- his bed had been made and here I was lying in it- covered in piss.

Every day we come home it is the first thing he requests. The monster truck collection- which has grown to over 20, has taken over the coffee table in the living room. There is a 'junkyard' pile of overturned hot wheel roadsters and race cars in the middle of the table for the monster trucks to smash and drive over. My Nemo sits atop this pile.

And no matter how hard I try to take the wheel here and introduce him to the wonderful world of Fingerpainting! or Tball! or Sidewalk chalk! my attempts fall short. If only I could think of something as impressive as flying 50 ft. in the air and crash landing on a neon green school bus.

For now I guess I will concede. I mean, its not as if you can control every aspect of your children's life. Right?

I still signed him up for soccer.