Hallelujah

Our a/c crapped out on us about two weeks ago. Of course I was the first to notice it's absence. Apparently I do not posses the same internal cooling system that the rest of my family has. My mother, father, brother and I could be cast into the Sahara on a mid-day hour in July wearing parkas and I promise you, they would set up lawn chairs and bask in the sun.

Maybe it was my 8 month stay in Washington that forever spoiled my internal cooling system. I remember the first few days I spent in my new apartment up there. It was late October, cool and refreshing outside, yet as I glanced at the unit on the wall that regulated the temperature I noticed only the red.

"Uh. Honey?"
"Yes?"
"Where are the cooler temperatures?"
"What, you mean like the a/c?"
"Uh. Yes. I mean like the a/c, you know that nifty thing that regulates my health and happiness?"
"They don't have a/c up here. Not even in their cars. Isn't that crazy?!"

Crazy? Yes, but it was true, not even in their cars. And as we both sat that day and marveled at the Northerner's stupidity and wondered how the hell we were going to survive without melting into a puddle of gooey pale flesh at the feet of the Navy, we began to devise a way to acclimate ourselves to this temperature change.

Acclimation, however, was not needed. Acclimation, much like the a/c system in our '95 Honda Civic was not necessary because it was indeed cool enough to survive in the beautiful WA weather without the aid of a cooling device.

Of course my opinion on this all changed in my 9th month of pregnancy. In July. In a record summer for high temperature (!), in which I spent the entire last trimester in a sports bra and underwear (which visiting friends and neighbors really enjoyed).

However, we learned to adjust to life in a cooler climate. When time came to move back to Florida, I enthusiastically dug out of the depths of my dresser the long forgotten tube tops, cami's and daisy dukes of the past. I was returning to my homeland! The land of glorified wind machines and I intended to frolic in this land of cool.

What I was not prepared for, was the move back into my parents hellish domain in which the temperature and electric bill Nazi runs amuck (not to be confused with the hot water Nazi, who has also been known to make an appearance). Here was not the refreshing icee-cold abode of my youth! What happened to blankets? And wearing socks in the house? Banished. All of 'em.

And now what little reprieve from the glorious FL sun is given by the a/c Nazi (only when my father threatens to strip down to his flesh suit) has been taken away!

So yesterday I came home to two (!) repair trucks in my driveway. I was so happy to see the workers I ran up and humped their legs.

Of course the first thing that must be done when getting home from work is visiting the urination station.
I don't normally lock the door because my son has a panic attack when there is a barrier between the two of us that he cannot move. But, there were strange men in the house and even though I had already humped their leg I didn't want them walking in on me mid-wipe. So, I locked. BIG mistake.

Brae: twists handle MOM! DID YOU LOCK DOORS?!
Me: "Wait one second babe, I'm just going potty"
Brae: "Uh, okay. I have a question for you"
Me: "What is it baby?"
Brae: " WHEN YOU FINISH POOPING, WILL YOU GET ME A DRINK?!"

Hi repair man. Yes, he's special and I crap a lot. Thank you for your work.