I spent the evenings leading up to this event quizzing Brae on what I could expect at his performance. What songs are you singing? Will you be using bells? Do you sing that dreidel song? Are you guys dancing? Are you listening to me? Did you just roll your eyes at me?
"Mom" He sighed, "We're just Kris Kringle's Jingle Bell Band."
"So you will be using bells then?!"
Part of the reason for my excitement, was because I also attended the same daycare that Brae now goes to. Back then it was in a different location, but still operated by the same director as it is today. And I have also participated in the Winter Concert Extravaganzas! Or what my parents refer to only as OH SHIT, I HOPE SHE HAS ANOTHER TALENT. Thanks mom. Dad.
Only kidding. I am an excellent singer. And dancer too. Ask me about my interpretive dancing.
So I pre-ordered the video for the concert, dressed Brae in the brand new shirt I had reserved specifically for Christmas activities and mom and I set off early to the elementary school, 2 miles down the street, where the concert would be held. We only thought we were doing well. However, pulling into the parking lot convinced me otherwise. There were cars. Vans. SUV's. Lined up and down the street. Spilling into the Middle school parking lot next door.
"Maybe we should have gotten here early?" I said.
"Nah" Mom reassured me. "These cars are from the performance before his. We're fine".
We were not fine. As we strolled through the cafeteria doors and surveyed the remaining available seating, I started hyperventilating and went into tactic mode.
"Find seats" I hissed. "I'll take Brae to the back".
While mom went off to locate two spare seats, I steered Brae to the back of the stage where his class was gathering before the performance. As we reached the doors leading to the entrance, I felt his grip on my right hand tighten. Just a little pre-performance jitters, I tried to reassure him. But as his face crumpled and the tears started to flow, I began to panic.
"You don't want to do this?!" I asked.
No answer. And just as I was about to have a real come to Jesus over the importance of this program for mommy, his teacher appeared. "Just Go, I've got him" she said.
We couldn't find any good seats, the only ones left being in the last row. So we stood alongside one of the walls. Brae's class was on second and did indeed perform the obscure tune-"Kris Kringle's Jingle Bell Band". And my son- naturally had the bells. He was so tiny standing up there, one of the smallest in his class. But I could see his mouth moving to the correct lines in the song and the fear that had crippled him only moments before seemed to have altogether disappeared.
"Do you think he can see us?" I whispered.
"I don't know, he's defiantly looking" Mom said.
"Maybe, let's wave"
2 minutes later
"He can't see us!" I said.
"He's looking right at us!" Mom replied.
"Why doesn't he wave back?" I asked. "I don't think he can see us. It's too dark."
"We'll just keep waving"
10 minutes later.
"Oh! I think he saw us! I'm pretty sure he did. He looked right at me."
"He's still not looking at us. It's like he's looking.....over our heads somewhere."
"I don't think he sees us."
20 minutes later
"I don't know mom. I don't think he can see us at all. Put your hand down. We look like idiots."
The show ended with a great little number in which the children sang, "Donde es los Santa Claus?" And proving that he is indeed his mother's son, Brae fell about two counts behind the rest of the class with his corresponding hand movements. Thus making him even more adorable than he already was.
As were were exiting the cafeteria hand and hand I nonchalantly asked, "So-did you see us out there?"
"Yup." He replied.
"Why didn't you wave?!"
No answer.
Apparently it is time for the come to Jesus after all. Only this time we'll discuss mommy's need for silent affirmation.
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