Motivation, I should speak on you

You know that one stalker-esque Christmas song that warns against the perils of misbehavior during the holiday season? You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you that your mother has already spent a lot of money on gifts for you so don't make her regret her decision to purchase them. Well. It goes something like that.

I feel as though I may need to have the lyrics to that particular song tattooed on some large flat area of my body. Or maybe set my cell phone ring to it's melody so I can wave it in the air in one hand while pulling my weeping four year old off the Publix restroom floor with the other. While other children may fear the possibility of not receiving anything this Christmas this year, my son floats blissfully amiss in his bubble of ignorance. And because of this, it has recently become my personal goal to instill in him this awareness.

Of course how to teach a pre-schooler the concept of a reward system based on something completely intangible at the moment is a bit of a challenge. He can make it through a 90 minute animated film and not move a millimeter, but the second the first serious syllable issues forth from my lips I can see the light dull out in his eyes. I don't drone do I? Maybe don't answer that.

I'll admit, the concept is a lofty one. I almost want to sit him down and just point out that 'Look Kid- you stand to receive a shit load of toys in a few weeks and although you are going to get those toys regardless because it's a tradition, it would really do much to calm the murky waters of my conscious if you could only PRETEND to be a well behaved child for the next 14 days? Capiche?'

Only I CANT. Something about ruining the spirit and mystery of Christmas.

But it's like a parental bonus to get to use this Santa thing to our benefit right?
You kicked the dog, huh? That's okay. Santa Claus is watching you.
Did you really just roll your eyes at me? Santa doesn't like a smart ass.
You know, Santa doesn't appreciate your commentary on every sexually ambiguous person you meet. And yes Brae, boys can have long hair too.

And it's really just too bad that he doesn't quite understand it yet. His life is like a white erase board that gets the hose every night. It's like rubbing a dog's nose in stagnate pee- action and consequence must be immediate. Thus, behavior and reward must be so as well. And the Christmas morning that he awakes to find a tower of gifts with his name on it? Well, he must have done something AMAZING in his sleep to warrant them.

So how have I decided to illustrate the Santa threat in a palpable manner?

BEHOLD The advent calendar:



Because this kid goes ape shit for quarter sized confections.