Checking out today please.

6:08 a.m.
Mom cracks open my bedroom door and peers inside. Startled, I jolt upright in bed and mentally curse her for waking me 7 minutes before my alarm. She motions me out of bed and shuts the door. I roll over and close my eyes.

6:10 a.m.
Mom opens the door once more. "Come here NOW!" she hisses through the crack and closes the door, less silently than before. Brae sits up in bed, eyes closed and disoriented. "Shh", I pat his back and soothe him back to sleep. A string of silent curse words fly through my head as I tumble from my bed and trudge into the kitchen. I shuffle my monkey slippers through our small hallway and run headfirst into a wall of.....

What is that?!

I sniff the air and make a face..

Spiced beef?
A cake made of curry?
Sweaty gym socks soaking a pool of urine?

No. No. We had chicken last night. Why, that is the distinct smell of....DOG SHIT IN MY KITCHEN.

Dodge had been inflicted with a massive bought of doggy diarrhea during the middle of the night. My mom stood, hands on hips, in the middle of the kitchen, shaking her head as she pointed at Dodger's crate.

"Do you SMELL that?!"

"How could I not?"

"GET.IT.OUT. NOW!" She growled.

I picked up the crate and choked back an overwhelming urge to vomit. It was the most foul smelling thing, and I was lugging it awkwardly out the patio door when the crate door opened and my poop laden pooch came tumbling out.

"SHIT!"
Mom and I sang out in unison. Literally. Shit. Shit on Dodger. Shit on Dodger's blanket. Shit on the patio floor. Shit on me. Nearly.

I flung the crate across the patio floor and marched over the gutter attached to the patio roof. I shimmied up the gutter to the top of the roof and promptly flung myself off.

If it's not a shitty dog in the early morning hours, it's discovering that your child has been discreetly snacking on his picked boogers during story time. Or having a particularly painful injection in your gums as you get your tooth re-filled at the dentist office after the original filling knocked loose. Or having to pay money to file paperwork requesting a court date so that you may request money that you are owed and have not been paid since your split from Him. It's two extra people in your house during the holidays, hogging the remote and drinking all the sweet tea without making more. It's being overwhelmed at work and going part time in only a few days. It's all this and more.

And it's only Tuesday.